Wednesday, Oct. 01, 2008

Ring-a-ding-ding

Tomorrow is a big day for me. As I sit here, eating my packed sandwich, typing away, my heart is fluttering. Tomorrow, I get to go ring shopping with Mr. Big.

Which brings me to my first question: Why are diamonds so damn important?

I've brought this up several times. Why is a big rock so vital for men to express their love? Why is the size equivalent to the amount of their love? Why are 2 carat diamonds so freaking expensive?

I once dug my claws into an acquaintance when he told me he had paid $800 for his fiance's ring. "That's all?" I asked with a wry smile. I didn't like the guy. In fact, I borderline hated the guy, so if you think I was too mean, I don't really care. It was a jab at his ego, which quite frankly, needed to be cut down a few pegs.

I've been learning a lot about diamonds lately. Obviously the cut, color, clarity and carat are the basics, but I never bothered to learn more. A 1.28 carat diamond and a 1.18 carat diamond may appear the same size to the untrained eye. The 1.18 carat could be more desirable, because the larger you go, the more impurities you're more likely to encounter. A diamond could look big from on top, but be skinny in width, making it cheaper because of the total weight. Okay, I'll stop boring you.

In an ideal world, I wouldn't need a diamond, I wouldn't need a big wedding and I wouldn't need the perfect proposal. However, I live in the real world where dreaming of your wedding is ingrained into your head from a very small age.

Sadly, this whole engagement thing is more stress than bliss, and quite frankly, it's all pretty much my own doing.

Sure, I can say I don't need a big ring - but that doesn't mean I don't want a huge rock. Yes, I'll be happy with a small diamond - but I would be extremely happy with a bigger diamond. Sounds selfish, doesn't it?

I've been watching too many Platinum Wedding shows on the WE channel. Don't worry, I'm not insane, thinking I'm going to have $100,000 worth of wedding jewelry to wear on the big day, or that I'll have elephants doing tricks at my reception. I want a small, very tasteful wedding. While elephants would be cool, elephant droppings are not.

My brother recently got engaged...and then UN-engaged. He kept the ring (another thing I always wondered about) but it was too late to return it, so he's stuck with a $5,000 piece of jewelry that is too dainty for him to rock.

I told him to melt the gold down and sell it...or to keep upgrading the ring like he had planned, so by the time he's ready to settle down with somebody, he'll have a 3 carat rock.

I'm not sure how my brother proposed...I love him dearly, but he's not the most romantic person in the world. For God's sake, he thinks dutch-ovening a girlfriend is funny. But he spoils his girlfriends, and despite his gaseous side, he truly treats them like princesses. I went ring-shopping with him, which got me to thinking about why engagements usually entail a ring.

Clearly you can get engaged without a ring...people do it all the time. It's totally acceptable...just not for me. Maybe if I personally knew someone who had done it that way, I wouldn't feel so opposed to it. I just can't stand the thought of being engaged and not having anything to show for it.

"But, BZ, you've got each other's love to show for it!" you might say. Any morally right person would say so. But I'm not looking to become a saint, here - I'm looking to get engaged.

If you can't afford a ring, but you get engaged anyway, then why get a ring at all? If you're struggling with money and it doesn't matter that you have a ring to begin with, should you even get one? Granted, everyone has their different situations and money doesn't grow on trees. It's just, if it's not important to start with, then why do it at all? If the guy already proposed without the ring, what is he going to do when he gives her the ring later? Propose again? Or just hand it to her, saying "We did it!"

Okay, now I'm sounding like a cynic. I'm really not, I swear. I just have a very clear picture in my mind of how it needs to go down.

I'm not one of those women who would rather have a big screen TV over a big diamond. I'll help pitch in to buy a big screen for you to watch Sunday football on with your boys...hell, I'll even stock the fridge with beer and make your favorite guacamole with pizza bites - without asking you to pitch in. I'll put your towel in the dryer so it's warm when you get out of the shower. I'll clean your pee spots underneath the toilet (something I'll never understand - how does it get there??). Just get me a big ring and I'll do it forever.